Monday, June 9, 2008


I am afraid of heights.
It is a pretty serious problem i am told.
Given my line of work there are certain things expected of you. Even more importantly, i am not told, are things that are not expected.
Fear of Heights appears to be one of them. It is why i am seated here waiting.
My condition has been referred to the people above me and some form of reckoning or reconciliation is scheduled to take place.
I think it's a lot of fuss over nothing really but everyone assures me that, in my line of work , it isn't.
You see I am an Angel.

There is a soft gasp and he walks in.
Well, he doesn't so much walk as floats.
When one is an Arch Angel like Micheal walking is hardly the means of conveyance.
I play with my fingers nervously as he seats down opposite me. To calm my nerves I wonder why i am fidgeting.

Micheal doesn't notice my fidgeting. If he does he is polite and does not comment on it. He looks through the sheaf of paper in his hands. Some unbiased report--i suppose--on my......preference.
"You're afraid of heights?" Angel Micheal asks with a smile.
I close my eyes in exasperation. Obviously i am wrong.
It is a big deal when an angel is afraid of heights.
Micheal chuckles."What;s your name?" He asks.
He asks me the question in Yiddish. We Angels are Multi Lingual. The simplest of us is versed in over 987 earth languages. Obviously Arch Angels are acquainted with more. It is a common habit for us to converse in different languages.
"Mourinho." I reply.
Okay. Granted that really isn't my name. I don't really say Mourinho in answer to his question but instead give him my actual name. Unfortunately What my real name is is something that--unless ordered otherwise-- i cannot write here. To cover this problem i have picked a susbtitute.
Mourinho is just as good a substitute name as Micheal is.
No. Micheal isn't his real name either.
Micheal smiles."It's okay. You aren't the first Angel afraid of heights."
I look at him with surprise.
"I'm not." I ask him this in German. One of my favorite languages.
"Off course not. It's actually quite common. Something to do with an angel's fear of falling." He chuckles again "Fallen Angels aren't good news you know."
I nod my head not really understanding.
Micheal turns a sheet and writes on the page using a quill dipped in ink."Let see. Before this you were a Seraph. In the Choir it says."
I smile happily. This is something i am proud off.
"Yes i was. I sang the Dotrino Hossana Harmas. 4 times in a row." I look at him hopefully " Do you want to hear it?"
"Er.... NO." Micheal says.
I slouch in my seat a bit let down. I understand his hesitation though. An Angel cannot leave his work until it's done. The Dotrino Hossana Hama takes 1500 earth years to complete.
""4 times in a row. Very Impressive.."mummurs Micheal in Latin.
"WHat's that?"
"Never mind." He says to me with another lovely smile.He shouldn't have bothered.
We angels rarely worry for long.It's on the list of things one expects from angels. A lack of worry. It's an Angel thing.
Across me Micheal tries to write in the scroll that he holds in his hand. The quill appears to be broken. He sighs and looks across at me.
"DO duck your head."
His wings are magnificent.
They unfold slowly from behind him. Blossoming out into the masterpiece of white plumage. A soft breeze sweeps across the room as he fans them softly sending tufts of cloud in difrent direction. Framed by the feathers he appears even more beautiful.I watch as he fiddles with his wings a bit before finally settling on one feather.
He pulls it out.
"Ouch" i say using the Universal language of Ouch.
My wings behind me quiver with the shock of the act.
It must have hurt a lot but Micheal doesn't show it. My respect for Arch Angels grow a notch.He dips the new quill in the bottle of Ink.
"I cant wait for Laszlo Biro to come to heaven. There are changes that i wouldn't mind seeing around here. A Biro wouldn't be bad at all."
"A what?" I ask him. He spoke in English and yet it is a word i am not familiar with.
"Never mind."
I do the angel thing. It is a very easy thing to do .Not worrying.
"Okay Mourinho. You know why you are here. It seems there are more and more souls popping up on earth. 3000 years ago we had barely a million people on the earth. We didn't need to supervise as much. I remember the years after the Flood. Noah and his family were all we had to watch over."He sighs dreamily."Those were Good times. Good times indeed."Micheal leans forward and points to a meter behind him. There is a number on it written in lovely Calligraph.
Six Billion, five hundred and sixty thousand , two hundred and three.
"Now we have Six Billion, five hundred and sixty thousand , two hundred and three souls on earth.
""Two hundred and eight." I correct him.
"What?" Micheal Asks.
I point behind him. The handwritten Meter has changed with an extra five. It now reads.Six Billion, five hundred and sixty thousand , two hundred and Eight.
Micheal nods and throws his wing in the air.
" You see what I'm talking about. They're growing at an alarming rate. Popping up all over the world . Unless..... off course some woman just delivered Quintuplets."
"Quintuplets?" I say with a laugh.
Micheal nods." It means...."
" I know what it means." I interrupt. Somehow we have ended up speaking Greek for the last minute. I change to Spanish. " I see what you mean."
The numbers on the wall have gained an extra one hundred.
" Do you now? Well that's good." Micheal says with a smile. " We've got a lot more souls to watch over now. Most of them require at least 2 angels to watch over them and that's if we're lucky. Some girl asked him for 7 angels to watch over her puppy. There's a lot of demand for us over there. " He looked at me grimly."That's were you come in. We've decided to pull some of our Seraphs to help out with the load. It's been ordered by him. We wanted to send you some where south but this flying thing..."
"The Flying thing." I repeated with a respectful nod.
Micheal smiled at me again. He seemed to love doing that a lot.
"It's okay though. A ready solution comes to mind. We'll just send you over to places that do not require much flying. A place were people stay closer to the ground than most. You shouldn't have a problem blending in there. it's a proven ground for people with your condition."
I cant help it and blush.
"I feel so embarrassed ." I say in Gibberish.
Remarkably enough he hears me." Oh no. Don't be. There are angels that have crazier sides. Why , i know of an angel who liked to float upside down. Scared the hell out of some nuns in Brazil. No no. YOu're fine. It's a phase. You'll slip out of it." Micheal said laughing. " In the mean time here's your deployment papers. You'll like it. We're sending you to the Equatroix Section. ALpha Mani."
I take the papers from him and read it quickly."It's close to the desert." I say with delight.
Micheal nods sagely. " Yes. We took your singing experience into consideration. Just in case you feel like singing. There's space enough..." Micheal says in Russian.
I smile happily. He twirls the quill with a pleased look.
Business all done.
" SO that;s it then." He says with a smile ."Pack your bags and roll out. Someone will attend to you when you get there."
I rise happily while he floats opposite me.
."See?" He says in another language "I tell you say Wahala no dey. No worry."
I smile happily back doing the Angel thing.
Worry Ke? Thunder Fire Satan.


bumight said...


Naapali said...

Bumight, shouldn't you be studying how to remove the Private from your blog?

Smaragd said...

not first! off to read...

how are the stitches BTW?

Smaragd said...

lmao! of course u'll speak gibberish when u are afraid! "agbaya".

so u claim to be an angel now? what painkillers exactly have u been receiving for the stitches? morphine+vicodine? *raises right eyebrow"

and u like german!!! awww, das ist eigentlich sonderbar, mochtest du lernen oder kannst du schon sprechen?

bumight said...

I want an angel too! do u reckon u could be deployed to mines?

@naapali: i already did, lol!

Naapali said...

Bello, Beautiful,Smuk, Kaunis, Bonito, Lindo, Guapa, Krasny.

This Carl belongs among the best of yours I have read.

UndaCovaSista said...

Argh! Bumight and Smaragd, you two are fast becoming pesky thorns in my flesh!

Uncle Naaps, we're missing a summary or two on your blog you know?

Now let me go read.........

UndaCovaSista said...

One word: INSPIRED!

Black Man Comes said...

My guy, how is Stolich? Havent heard about her in a while. You two married now, dating... what... a gwan with you all?

darkelcee said...

Captivating piece.

kindly help me tell Arch Angel Micheal that i need 5 extra to the legion i have, not for my dog but to add extra comfort and beauty to my life.

how are you doing?

Shubby Doo said...

lol @ an angel scared of heights...

LMAO @ gibberish and the universal language of ouch

I loved this ...another 'special one' deployed in duty to support us. If only his destination had been me...

shalewa said...

carl.i 4got u had stitches(still more of a story than real).How are they now?
"We didn't need to supervise as much. I remember the years after the Flood. Noah and his family were all we had to watch over."He sighs dreamily."Those were Good times"
so angels have tough times?lol.Pls,when next u get in touch with angel micheal,tell him i want 4 angels to take me skydiving.

ablackjamesbond said...

@ Shalewa, u had better pray Michael doesnt send u 'Mourinho'.

Ms Sula said...

"Fallen Angels aren't good news you know"


I so love your style. I need a couple of angels sent down my way... if the little girl can have 7 for her puppy, I demand at least one!!! And they don't need to know how to fly... I'll do all the flying.

Like Undacovasista said: Inspired!


inspiring, indeed.

How you dey? I told my mom about the event that led to stitches and the woman prayed for you eh....
I had to remind her that I only know you through blogville and she said, "everyone needs a prayer, internet or not."

So there you have it. I will tell her you are okay. =)

guerreiranigeriana said...

...dying at naapali's comment to bumight!!...bwahahahahaha!!!...

...this piece is simply beautiful carl...inspiring, yes...definitely one of my favorite reads in a while...thank you!...*runs to look for her angel*...

Afrobabe said...

Lmao @ the girl asking for 7 angels for her puppy…

hmmm...dont know...prefer the grooms man post...

But angels afraid of height had better not even be true,,,

Carlang said...

@ Bumight: First!
How do you do it...
You could give Hillary pointers...

Thank you dear friend.
I must admit i had a lot of fun writing it.
One minute i was sitting wondering what to write and the next...
Well you've read what happens next.

@ Smaragd:
You speak German?
That's is so sexy..
What exactly did you say?
No.. i;m not an angel.
But i've got a couple..

The speed with which you three move..
It amazes me.
Yes i was..

You be true black man.
SO you want to know about Stolich.
From me..
Or would you rather talk to her in person?
Offer lasts till 13th of June...

I'm fine mostly.
True J-lo is yet to answer my phone call and the billion Naira i dreamt about is yet to reflect in my account...
But i'm okay..

How are you?

@ Shubby doo:
WHy thank you dear.
I loved it too..
How are your angels today?

My stitches are out but i have a scar.
Yes yes..
I'm scarred now.
My mum likes telling me it;s serves me right for leavin her with a ceaserian scar and ruining her Bikini days...

But i;m fine.
Thanks for asking.

@ Naapali:
Been meaning to ask.
Is it okay to tatoo over a Scar?

Carlang said...

@ Ms Sula:
How has your day been thus far?

@ Afrobabe:
The Grooms man's piece..
You would like that one now wouldnt you.
Oh dear..
Now you've put the idea of writing a related post in my head.

Oh darn it...

@ Solomondeylle:
Tell your mum i'll be praying for her too.
Thanks for the concern.
How are my cyber God kids?

how are you dear....been a while.... what's happening at your end.
Was going to send you an email a couple of days ago but i couldnt find a link.
Really like your blog...

Smaragd said...

lmao @ "no, i'm not an angel..." that's not what i asked u dude!

i asked if u would like to learn german or u already speak.

i use internet explorer, and i have mega issues accessing applications like facebook and now blogger! it's disheartening!

Allied said...

Lol... really enjoyed this..

Irony - i am actually in the middle of deployment. (IT lingo)

Carlang said...

@ smaragd:
Just as i suspected.
It's probably your browser.
WHy dont you try downloading Mozilla. It's a lot better..
No i dont speak German.

If there was a lanquage i'd love to learn it would be french.

princesa said...

So you don become angel now carl?

I dont mind does one join the cherubim abi na seraphim sef?Lol!

fantasy queen said...

i'll send this piece to some angel friends i have, it'll entertian them good.

Engee said...

Beautiful piece C. Always read but never drop a line....couldn't resist this one. cracked me up big time.

good to know u're ok now....

Nine said...

Nice,Carl.VERY nice.You're getting really good at this.

What the man said.Download and use Mozilla Firefox.Much better browser,IMO.

Free-flowing Florida said...

ha! wen i started reading, i tot he was talking abt NYSC deployment. den i began catching d drift & i wondered 4 d umpteenth time where carlang gets his ideas 4rm! u r amazing, bros. mean while, was d angel deployed 2 naija?

Atutupoyoyo said...

I enjoyed this so greatly that I did not want it to end. I hope you will develop this further.

I have not responded to your email which is poor of me. Please expect a response this week. It will be worth it.

BlogVille Idol said...

blogville idol 08 is coming soon and its going to be fun!check out my page for more details

geisha said...

you should look into getting published.
i mean, you could use some editing, but for the most part you wont be a total publishing loss :)

Afrobabe said...

lol...a follow up will be nice...

archiwiz said...

Awwwww... this is so beautiful... Brought many smiles o my face. :)

NigerianDramaQueen said...

My biggest phobia's are heights and animals. Its so bad my friends think I need counselling. I tell them to leave me alone. Im human afterall-and we are entitled to hide behind a few fears...
This piece can be summed up in one word: BRILLIANT. It gets my gold star for the day:-)
Your blog has definately joined my favorite list.
PS: You were poetic even with your comment on my page. Na wa ohhhh

Smaragd said...

CARL, why now? are u afraid we'll find ur taste in music "unangelic"?

so u smile when reading my posts huhn? that's really sweet... except, wait a minute...u smile ALL THE TIME DUDE! lol

i invited u to chat.

theicequeen said...

awwww, this post is too lovely!i smiled all through and the end made me laugh out loud! thunda fire satan indeed! :P

how you dey sef? havent been here in a while..wonder why....

Lighty said...

hello angel...

fantastic stuff. lol.

and all these languages? when am i comin 4 lessons?

Onome said...

hmmmmmmm............well dis is er...good..i presume the "him" in question was meant to be Him???? hmm?? no'bad though