Thursday, November 20, 2008

The 42nd

I’m evolving.
I didn’t notice it at first. It crept slowly on me like the slow song of a relationship. You meet a girl accidentally at breakfast, you talk to her, you laugh at her jokes, you buy her dinner and then you wake the next morning to find out she has been your girlfriend for the last 3 years.
Well I woke up yesterday and realized that I have become a different kind of blogger.

I have no idea exactly what type of blogger I am becoming. I am unsure if this lethargy of mine is some seasonal hiccup which will change with the eventual passage of time or if It will remain, grow and eventually claim a full hold on me forcing me into the graveyard of bloggers where the once mighty—Ozaveshe, Littlemissme and lately ( dear God no) Afrobabe—now rest in undefined hibernation. I am full of hope that it is the former but caution prevents me from completely ignoring the later. Doing so would be a dangerous thing. A complete disregard for an unwelcome possibility.
Like a girlfriend who comes back home to find lingerie in her boyfriend’s bed.
Well in line with her wardrobe colors and designer but unsettling in that it happens to be two sizes too large.

I have been a blogger for over a year now.
When I joined Blogville it was for two reasons. I sought a medium in which I could share some of my insanity without the recriminating snorts of disgust or looks of perplexity that normally followed my voiced opinion. My year long sojourn has made me realize the flaw in my plan. It seems everyone else on Blogville joined for the same reasons. Now I wonder what I was thinking. A community comprised of bookworms, nerds and intellectual socialites—where did I get off thinking that I would be the lone alien in their written world. Back then it certainly left me shocked.
The discovery of a world where aesthetics was accepted and insanity condoned as Talent.
A world which I delightfully explored.
The second reason was just as important. I sought to become a better writer. I had at the time just finished writing a 60 paged short story that I was half satisfied with(I read it once and thrashed the story into some nameless folder on my hard drive). There are two things vital to writing a good book. Talent and Discipline. The way I saw it, if I could manage a year of regular blog writing then I could consider myself firmly on the path of the later. As far as talent was concerned I figured showcasing my writing would give me an idea of how good or terrible I really was.

A year has gone by and I have formed some idea on the subjects.
It has been an entertaining, if indeed slightly alarming, ride. I honestly do not think this fun ride of mine will come to an end. But that will depend a lot on my determination, resilience and creativity. Factors you would expect a boyfriend to have when he returns home one evening to meet his girlfriend of two years with her bag all packed up and the dining table all set out.
Served on his plate is the flaming red Bra.
Two sizes too large.

And so I write this fully determined to ensure that this is not my last post.
In truth there is very little to suggest that I have become a slow blogger. Looking over my archive I seem to have maintained a steady average of posts over the months. But blogging, as I have come to know it is not just about the posts. It is about the play behind the posts. The little comments we live from page to page, tiny notes that say we are here. We read you. We care about you. Notes that I have failed to deliver in quite a while.
I suppose this is what work does to you. A year ago I was a complaining student. Now I am an annoyed African struggling to fan his tiny life into a roaring start. My days seem more taken with work related matters and when I think of blogging, it is with the fond air of a period when I was able to find an hour in a week to type out the story of my last 7 days. An hour in which to go visiting dear friends. An hour to read the running debate for the week whilst laughing at the undefined flirting. An hour which, my watch now warns me is almost up.
This is my 42nd post. I write this fully confident that I shall return to write a 43rd. I am only uncertain as to when this will happen. It might be next week or next month. I do not know. What I do know is that I have deeply enjoyed the time I have spent with you and plead that you forgive my silence. My slip is not because I love you any less but because I love you more and wish to fulfill the high standards we have all, inaudibly, set for ourselves.
A line of defense that might have better served the philandering boyfriend had he decided to use it, instead of his blasé retort that the Flaming Red Bra belonged to his favorite Aunt who had visited him.
An argument whose shaky foundation was even further weakened by the fact that the last time his Aunt visited him, she was recovering from a Mastectomy.
A recovery which sadly resulted in complications and her death.
6 years ago.


bumight said...

lol @ ur red bra story. I shall be eagerly awaiting your return!

PS: sadly, I've had breakfast today and so I can't type anything too...deep? serious?

Tigeress said...

lol! Aunt's bra- funny.

Carl nice to see that u're not going MIA on us. Been a blogger for over a year? waow. to be honest- i dont see myself lasting that long. we shall see......

Shubby Doo said...
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Shubby Doo said...

bra analogy funny but the ending of that was a tad morbid...

u come out and met us on 42nd...yay!...but this almost sounded like a swan song...just know that whatever you choose to do 4 u... is ok would be sad if you didn't evolve thru this...all the bloggers i used to stalk initially b4 i joined have left apart from SSD

'Two sizes too large'=) is still bcos u r u that I come back...whatever u morph into carlang's thought will always still be behind it. That is something 2 cherish so i will continue to enjoy it as long as u let me

doug said...

Hilarious! My issue with my writing is that it's too often journalese. And yes, I was overwhelmed by the number of brilliant NIGERIAN bloggers out there. Two young ladies particularly(who I will not flatter by naming) continually inspire me.It helps to step out of "your fathers farm" every once in a while.

I don't think the word discipline can be said in the same breath as my blogging experience so I guess I'll start counting down from my own 365 days from now.

P.S Do you alwyas start flame wars or was the "O'Bummer post" an exception?

Iwalewa McDaniels said...

It will be a shame if this were your last post. I always look forward to reading your posts.

Naapali said...

This is not your swan song. I understand the sentiment completely seeing that with each day the forces that pull me away get stronger. I remember when I first started out and would always find people lamenting the greats that had moved on. I wondered what that felt like not knowing if anyone would read what I wrote or if I would last any length of time.

So I feel you. Keep this up even if sporadically.

Jaycee said...

All I know dear Carlang, is that you're not leaving us permanently.

Let your 42nd become your 43rd...and a plethora of posts after that. Long live ur blog! LOL. You know we love ur writings...I know I do...:)

Temite said...

It is well. Whatever you choose to do will be the best possible choice. I was also very fascinated with the amount of brilliance on blogville, and I can only say my personal standards have increased greatly since I started blogging. Please do come back and tantalize us more.

Nefertiti said...

I do hope it's not your last post, Carlang. I want to say it's some kind of block, but I hope that whatever it is, you do come back. We love reading your work.

Carlang said...
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Carlang said...

You missed breakfast?Abeg go chop Jare. Nobody likes a hungry doctor.

@ Tigeress:
It's really not that difficult.
Just attack it one post at a time.

@Shubby Doo:
The problem is that i do feel that way.
Not to worry though...
I expect something crazy will happen over christmas and i'll bust my kneecaps rushing to come back and share it with y'all.
So what's so funny about "Two sizes to large?"

Flame wars?
WHo me?
Nope. That was an
I dont think there is anything with your style of writing.
Frederick Forsythe started out that way..

@Iwalewa Daniels:
Good lord. I hope not too.
Lets hope i dont take too long before the next one..

I sensed you would understand my plight.
You're right. This isnt a swan song.It is just me warning of the uncertain future.
But i'll be back.
Blogville is too much fun for me to ignore.

I plan on hanging around until i write my 100th post.Lets hope that doesnt take too long..
Thank dear.
I really appreciate it.

@Temite not termite:
I think everyone on BLogville is a fantastic writer.
It is the reason why we are here in the first place.
We all love to write

Writers block would be one way to put it.
But I'm not too worried.
I plan on fighting back!

UndaCovaSista said...

"A community comprised of bookworms, nerds and intellectual socialites"...Spot on!

I hold on for dear life to the promise of the 43rd!

And I understand completely the fondness you speak of, with which you remember the old days when you so easily found the time to post, and comment and generally keep up with the goings on in blogsville. Alas, it appears you, me and several others are all currently in the same place.

I don't know, perhaps its enough to comfort ourselves with the knowledge that as one blogger slows down/tapers off/leaves blogsville for good, several others join day by day - and thus continues the Circle of (blogsville)Life.

NoLimit said...

Nooooooooo waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
you can't go anywhere yet o!
Just when I discovered your blog you now want to go away...
Okay please don't least not yet(*sniffing*)

Vera Ezimora said...

Carlang dear,

If necessary, take a break. You'll come back refreshed. I had to do that last year too. I blogged and blogged till I ran out of things to blog about. No, I didn't run out of things to blog about. I ran out of the will power to blog. My spirit and my mind were both willing, but my fingers will just not do the work!

So I left. But then I came back refreshed. Like you said, we all love writing! That's why we're here (or at least, that's why I'm here). I have no social life - almost...contrary to what it may seem like. I attend baby showers et al. I mean, really...what the heck?!

So dear, if need be, take a break and reclaim your Carlness. But don't leave permanently. I eagerly await that 43rd post. I've been blogging since 2005, so come on, I know you can do it! I have almost 300 posts, so yes, you can definitely do it.

As for discipline & talent being needed for a [successful] writing career, you couldn't have said it better. I hope I have the talent. The discipline is what I know I do not have. But I'm getting there by His grace.

Long live Carl's blog!!!

....And we all said,


naijalines said...

Hey Carl, the big bra - reminds me of the question: do small di*ks think big thoughts? Or is it small di*ks of the same size flock together? Hehehehe.

Padosh said...

For a second my world stopped and everything came to a halt. Carl not blog??? Come back soon!!!! I mis u already!!!

isha said...

LOL! I should say that you have definitely acheived the 'becoming a better writer' part. We'll miss you, but we'll live.

Long live Carl with a C

fantasy queen said...

dont you dare even think about living bloggville,after all we've shared, i live for your stories, where would i be without those cosy moments i spend on your page, cuddled up in bed, sipping on....well it doesnt matter what i sip on, in my two sizes larger red bra ;)
you could at least tell your mistress the truth, its not only work taking up your time, its the lady, yes her,that one thats been making you smile sheeplishly at your screen.... the one with the two sizes smaller than mine bra....

oh and you're one of the better writers around here and in the real world:)

bArOquE said...

& then of course the bra, 2 sizes too large story had to get twisted at the end...

PS:...for someone that complains about his blogging, you dont post anything particularly short

QMoney said...

i dont even know wat to say.
Guess all d very best i watever u decide is gud enuf...

ShonaVixen said...

I do hope this aint your last post...yes I have been questioning my blogging to, and if i have really 'improved' as a writer, am in that confused state of mind...but I think I've made a decision not to go or have i???

NigerianDramaQueen said...

LOL@ Baroque!

I know exactly what you mean. I feel like my blogging style is changing...and I don't know exactly how...dont know if I like how it is changing...I just know it is.

Lol@ the bra analogy.Humor and wit is in your blood...seriously.

Take the time that you need off. I learned in English class today that all good writers need to take a break from writing some times, and just go live.

I will be keeping my fingers crossed for your 43rd post, no matter how long it takes.

Be well. Stay you

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

seems everyone on blogsville is taking a haitus,
I suppose blogging should be fun and stressless (aint no such word lol) and shouldnt be something you end up doing coz u feel obligated u take all the time out you need
do crazy things (so you can hurry back and blog about them)
and please do come back

Naughty Eyes said...

I've experienced the same sentiments not once or twice but a million times. I had an idea of what I wanted to blog about when I started but I notice I'm evolving too. I hope that like all the greats I understudy, including you, I'll turn out like matured wine.
As for your wits, it's priceless! I'm going to reserve that red bra analogy for my kids so they'll marvel at the kind of junk Daddy used to read.
Like most people I marvel at the BRILLIANCE of Nigerian bloggers. No Nobel Prize again after all this while? Hmmm...
Unlike most people I know you'll be back. it isn't easy to dump a mistress like blogville... Or Fantasy Queen for that matter...
Happy 43rd!

Lighty 'neferet' Kopearl said...

lol. and i was here.


I know you write that you shall be back to post the 43rd post, but something about this post gives me doubts.

Please, don't let us down, oh! Come back with numero 43 or else...

Angie Ledbetter said...

Good stuff here, Carl with a C.

darkelcee said...

Carl baby, could you please do the 43rd post today or tmw?lol

this bra story ehn, no get part

Nine said...

The secret of the Universe?42.And no one noticed....

guerreiranigeriana said...!!!...not you too!!...praying it doesn't about the bra story and baroque's comment...

Sherri said...
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Sherri said...

i sooo feel u!
am still resisting the pull.

don't forget to send me an invite to the book launch!

naijalines said...

Hey Carl, where is that post about you pretending to be a doc?

Don't tell me you've pulled it down too? Sounds like you really are leaving. O'bummer!

naijalines said...

Or was that you tying loose ends?

ibiluv said...

he MUST chop that bra
well cooked.........

i await your 43rd........

femme said...

you should really write. I'd definitely read you. Good luck.


Mr. C. Hope all is well.

Emeka Amakeze said...

Just take the paternity leave. It will do you good. Waiting for your return.

Afrobabe said...

No matter how busy you are, this is not ur last blog babes...this is coming from one addict to another....we are a family....we might get too busy, or too sad, or too busy but guess what even when we stop sharing we still come back to take part in our family's lifes....

You are a brilliant writter, I have said that from the first post of urs that I read.....something about being a best man...and over time you have become even better than brilliant....I for one will always buy anything u publish...

I miss Oza too...

Jaja said...

I came here to tell you how angry I am with you. I came to tell you that infact you are surly and mean.. [am known to escalate minor matters, moutains out of sand houses]. I changed my mind when I got here and decided to read 42nd instead... and by the calling someone 'surly and mean' just because they havent hollered at you sounds like what girl friends say when something minor happens like you falling asleep and not calling of the 20th time of the day....[am i rambling again?]

still yet bros I dey vex. whither you? so because God give you better work people no go come hear from you again. bad.
\i consider myself one of the worst bloggers ever, so what can i say to you?... write when you can.. try..

Make we meet for Oshodi sef dey try get my acts together for here

Jaja said...

Just for the heck of being 42nd.

Jaja was here, the Baron, he remains 08/12/08.

na so I dey write am for walls for secondary school

shalewa said...

carl ,abeg no go.u must return with more posts not
just a 43rd .don't forget Mourinho.i gats to know whats up with him,k? so i'm waiting oh!don't dissapoint.

ebony said...

For what its worth...this is an intensely deep post.

theicequeen said...

carly!! such melancholyhness :P hehe

G-FUNC said...

lovely writing style
and equally cool blogs
personally I thought ur story on the 14 and serenity blog was the coolest
the plot was completely mind blowing and stuuf
all of you over there are doing a lovely job of writing stuff that one sometimes imagines but not quite as creatively
from the like of vera,ibiluv,ubongda*winks*,jaja*although his blog is kinda too serious*
overwhelmednaijachic,the list is endless.....
all u guys are awesome and though I sometimes read and fail to comment ,I want you guys to know that although you might not find comments all the time you shud keep on blogging cos I'll try as much to comment from now on
stay safe
you guys are awesome

I'm kinda new to blogging