Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Belated


There are times when being an Angel sucks.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being an Angel. The pay is fantastic, the management is more than decent and the method of transportation is simply, quite frankly, out of this world.
It rocks being an angel. Being able to whiz around the world at will. Being able to speak over a million languages. Being able to walk through walls into homes, offices and yes—shower rooms, those are advantages that very few occupations can boast of`.
But there are other times when, despite the seemingly infinite benefits, being an Angel truly can suck.
Like now.

I stared at the sitting frame of my new assignment.
He was slouched in a couch watching some channel called CNN. In his hand was a bottle of water—His lone source of hydration ever since he had sworn of coke 3 months ago. On any other day, I would have considered him a fine specimen as far as human standards went but today I found him to be most irritating.

I wasn’t on vacation—that rarely happens for Angels. It is one of those things that we are not allowed to do, right after eating chocolates (No one likes an overweight angel you see).Besides, the whole idea of vacation is stopping to have a great time. Angels already have a great time. Vacation , for us, was totally unnecessary.

So I wasn’t on vacation.
If I was on vacation then—maybe—I would have been less irritated with the cross-legged human in front of me. But I wasn’t and so I was.
You see the thing was, it wasn’t just that I was on assignment.
It was the worrying fact that he was the assignment.
And as far as assignments go he was like one of those calculus equations that teachers sometimes give 3rd graders just to frustrate them.
He was being irritatingly difficult.

I stared at his unruffled forehead. To the casual observer, he looked to be in perfect health. His body was not overweight, his eyes darted around in focused scrutiny and the silent bob of his head gave evidence to his hearing.
However as far as I was concerned, he seemed dead to my existence.

I heard a soft whoosh behind me and heaved a sigh of relief.
“Hello Legna.” I said quietly.
Angel Legna walked up to my side and smiled at me. “You’re getting better Mourinho.” He murmured. His perfect wings softly beating up and down. “You knew it was me without looking.”
I gave a half smile. Normally it would have been a good compliment but right now I wasn’t feeling particularly receptive. There was a reason why wings were tucked between my legs and it wasn’t because of the overhead fan.
Legna stood beside me and we both stared at my assignment. We watched as he reached for the remote control beside him and quickly surfed through the channels. After a stunning change of stations he settled on some channel called “E”. They were talking about some lady called Angelina Jolie. He sighed happily and relaxed deeper into his chair.
“This is him?”Legna asked me.
“Yes it is!” I replied.
“He doesn’t look that troublesome.”
“They rarely do.” I replied tersely.

Angel Legna laughed at me.
“Don’t let it get to you. Humans are notoriously difficult and stubborn.” Again he chuckled softly. Probably at some memory. He scratched his smooth chin “What’s the assignment anyway?”
I sighed out loud.
“I’m supposed to inspire him. According to the reports he is supposed to be a writer. But he hasn’t written anything worthwhile recently.” I explained.
“So you’re here to help him?” Legna asked.
“Yes. That would be it.”
“Kinda like a Muse. You’re on Muse detail.” Legna said.
“Yes. I guess you could say that. Only this Muse is not amused with this musing moose.” I retorted.
Legna laughed out loud.
“You’re really adjusting to being an angel. Musing moose… that’s priceless.”
This time I couldn’t help it. I smiled back at him.
We chuckled for another 5 seconds then Angel Legna quietened down.
“So what is he suppose to write. What are you trying to prod him into writing? A story? An essay? An assignment”
I shook my head. “None of those. Try a blog.”
“OH?” Angel Legna said. “He is a blogger?”
“Yes.”I muttered. “Goes by the name Carlang. I have no idea why he chose that.”
Legna chuckled.
“That’s actually simple as far as blogging names go. You should try names like Afrobabe and Nigeriadramaqueen.”
I frowned.
“Bloggers?”
He nodded in affirmation. “Yes. Both of them. I was assigned to them recently. They had the same problem with this……Cartlan?”
“Carlang.” I corrected.
“Carlang. Got it!” Legna said. “Well... I had to persuade my two to get writing as well. Like him they had tumbled into an unnecessary hiatus. Unlike him they eventually they got round to it.” He stared at my assignment who was still staring at Angelina Jolie. I wasn’t sure but it looked like he was drooling “Off course, I suspect my job was a lot easier because my subjects were females. Males are notoriously difficult to get through.”
“I noticed” I said dryly.

“Have you tried talking to him” Legna asked.
I snorted.
“Right.” Legna said with a laugh.”I’m sorry about that. I’m guessing you’ve tried everything by the book.”
“Everything!” I stressed in frustration.
Legna smile.
“Well then I guess it’s time you tried something out of the book.”
“What would that be?”
He gave me a mischievous smile. I never thought Angels were capable of those. I became wary.
Legna pointed at my waist. “Use it.”
It took me a second to comprehend what he was talking about.
“No!” I gasped.
“Yes!” he said firmly. Then his smile softened. “Don’t worry. You’re not doing anything illegal. We do it all the time.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Really!” Angel Legna said with a serious expression. “How do you think Noah managed to complete building the ark?”
“I always wondered about that.” I murmured.
I stared at Carlang. He was channel surfing again—did humans ever stop watching TV. It seemed like all they seemed to be ever doing.
“So do it already.” Legna said.
“Poke?” I suggested.
“Poke!” he confirmed.

There are times when being an Angel sucks.
And there are times when it is totally cool to be one.
With a happy smile I pulled out my sword. It was a beautiful engraved piece. I had never made out exactly what the symbols on the blade meant but it was exquisite. I stared at the smooth blade which had fire softly trailing the edge. Up until now I had never used it. I hoped I wasn’t drooling.
Beside me Angel Legna chuckled.

I stared at the lazy unreceptive blogger called Carlang.
And then I poked him with my sword!

38 comments:

bumight said...

yay!!!!!!!!!

Shubby Doo said...

carlossssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

lemme go back and read

Shubby Doo said...

this is about Mourinho..yay!!! i could kiss u right now...ok going back to finish

Shubby Doo said...

this is about Mourinho..yay!!! i could kiss u right now...ok going back to finish

bumight said...

Angel Mourrhino!!! we've missed thee...and i think you might have to do more than poke him with a sword to get him to writing :D

Shubby Doo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shubby Doo said...

lol...wait o! i no gree jare...only the devil's agents poke with their pitch forks...not my Mourinho...carrying a sword already...wow…didn't know he'd had even entered the angel army academy…seems his has not only graduated but he passed thru with flying colours....carlang u dey do me ojoro o! how u no fit take time tell dat story 2…Angelina jolie ko, kim kardashian ni…mscheeeew

I’m glad he used the blade of inspiration on u then sha... i hope he poke u real hard…lol

well tell Mourinho to poke Allied cos she tells me she has lost her muse a shile back hence her silence from blogville

p.s
welcome back sweetie…this silence was very long so hope u've been ok!!!

pp.s
i thought u'd be watching girls of the playboy mansion on E…instead u dey watch mother of 6…na wa o!

ppp.s
when i read carlton i suddenly pictured u as carlton in fresh prince of bel air doing his 'it's not unusual to be loved my anyone' dance to Tom Jones' rendition…haven’t been able to stop laughing at the idea! mwah

Tigeress said...

WTH, i beefing u Bumight.!!! lol

Carl omd, where have u been?!!! Let me go read. :)

Tigeress said...

Poked with a sword and you're back with a bang!!! lol!! Nice to have you back. Hope u wont be going MIA on us. :)

scribble,me.free said...

dude! I think I have a man-crush on you...lol...i will definitely be reading the rest of your work

Confessions of a London gal said...

Yay!!!! He's alive!!!!

Temite said...

welcome back Carl with a C.
You to angel M.

Phoenix said...

Yay!!! Welcome back!!
haha hope the poke didnt hurt much.
heres hoping you get more pokes int near future.

fantasy queen said...

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGosh!!!!
carl isnt gone afterall.
yipeee.

fantasy queen said...

Bravo...thats why i've always loved mourinho, he made you do a post.

SHE said...

Nice post.
Thank you angel...
more powder (?) to your wings.

LusciousRon said...

Finally! Welcome back. I guess we should thank Angel Legna! You need another poke so you can get back here more often.

Naughty Eyes said...

OooooH Weeeee!!!! He's alive!!!! Man! I'm doing the samba right now even though I don't know how to dance!
Thanks Carl! Or whoever...!!!!

Confessions of a London gal said...

Yay!!!!! Thankg God 4 Mourinho!!!
Missed your posts!!! Glad u are back.
P.S. DO NOT DARE TO DISAPPEAR AGAIN!!!

The experiences of an achiever....... said...

aww!!! He's back!!!
enjoyed d piece.never ever do this to us again...I nearly died with worry.lol!

darkelcee said...

LOL.

Welcome back dearie.

isha said...

Angel Legna - very smart. I was thinking, 'what kinda russian name is that?'. till i happened to read it in reverse.

Just so you know, we're not really going to take that as a real post o. More like an intro.

mizchif said...

Thank God for this holy, angelic poke!

Thought u'd gone and disappeared from blogsville without notice!
Good to know u r still around. Hope u get poked more often!

Tigeress said...

hey Carlang- dont keep us waiting too long before posting again. :)

miz-cynic said...

.......and inn walks carlang.bravo!whr hv u been....i forgot ur now a renowned writer...u dnt do blogs again.lol.

omoh said...

he's back!mourhino,keep poking him oh!good to have you back.are there any vacancies for angels.sign me up,the benefits are crazy.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

hahahaha! Mourinho, shebi? Refreshingly creative writing as usual.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

I always knew there was something I liked about Angel Mourinho. He told me he would get you to come back somehow- after he was done with Afrobabe and I. He kept his word..Angels don't break promises huh?
So glad your back in all your palindromic glory. Blogging just got better. You've been missed Carl.

ablackjamesbond said...

Great to have u back man!

Can u send Mourihno my way? I could do with a poke right now?

Ada said...

carlang marry me..with such wild imaginations, its a wonder how wild you can......ahemm

good nite or is it morning

Vera Ezimora said...

LOL. I guess the poking worked. Say, can you get that Angel to come and poke me too? Haven't been writing (apart from blogging).

CaramelD said...

I'm so happy I could cry......

Rayo said...

I missed you!

theicequeen said...

CARLANG!!! *doing cartwheels and managing to weep profuse tears of joy*.yayyyyyyyy...off to read...missed you tons...thought you had abandoned us...

ijaw girl said...

wow! seriously wow!! thanks for stoping by my blog.

theicequeen said...

awwww i like! i like!! really sweet post...i don't know why the fact that Legna is Angel spelt backwards amuses me..but it does...a lot! :P...and update more often before them pokes become more vicious!

G-FUNC said...

see the kind uproar wey you cause for people life as you disappear.... kpsewwww!!!!
nonesense
If you shry am again eh.........

Adeleke Adesanya said...

Touched by an Angel. :)