Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Some Friday...



It started 15 seconds after I knocked on the door.

After my mum suffered the indignity of being robbed twice in one day I felt it would be terribly wrong of me if I didn’t go home to cheer her up. I had been away for almost half a year and my mum had gotten to the point where she referred to me as "Your Brother" to my siblings and "That boy" to her friends. I wasn’t quite sure how she referred to me in her prayers to God but I was sure she was praying. Mostly for a lightning smite.
Logic, my never faltering mentor, demanded that I take out time to go and visit her.
And so I did.

My mind was filled with so many images of how my welcome home would be. I envisaged my mum's shock when she opened the door. How her eyes would dim as she stared at me, filled with joy for the son she thought she had lost to lightning. I would hug her warmly and whisper in her ears that I loved her and she would hold me tight in turn. To reassure herself that I was real and to stop me from seeing the tears streaming down her face. It was going to be a really great reunion.

It didn’t really work out that way.
I stood in front of the door waiting for it to be opened.
As it turned out my mum did open the door when I knocked.
She looked at me, ignoring my cheery grin. In her hand she had some novel that she had been reading.
"You're fat." She said.
And that pretty much was it.

I wasn’t the only one who had returned home. It seemed all my siblings ( I have 2 sisters and a brother.) had the same mentor as I did. However, as planned over the phone, I acted surprised .As if I had no idea they where all going to be home.
“Oh my God. Carlang!" My sister screamed when she saw me. I was genuinely impressed with her scream. My sister had perfected the role of ingĂ©nue to an art.
“He is fat." My mum announced standing between her two daughters.
“Yes he is." They both agreed.
I stared at my sister closer. She was a very good actress but I sensed no pretense in her appraisal.
"No lunch for you" My youngest sister announced.
I still had my bags in my hands. I wondered if it was too early to leave.

That's how it pretty much started.

The next morning I woke up really early and did a roll out of my bed.
I was spiked. All night I had lain in troubled sleep contemplating the extra pounds I housed. I was no stranger to my weight. I knew for a fact that I was 3 kilograms over my permitted BMI. But I had always thought that it was an acceptable excess. One that I would eventually loose when I got married and dived full time into the making of kids. Apparently I had been mistaken. No one wanted a guy 3 kilograms overweight. I was thinking Japan and the associated respect given Sumo wrestlers. Here in Nigeria it simply was no longer accepted. The only time respect was tossed your way was if you had a 100 million Naira for every extra kilo you carried. Only then would smiles be flashed your way.
My mission the next morning was very simple. It was nice having them around but the time had come. The three kilos had to go.

Turning on the bright lights overhead, I dug out my old pair of adidas trainers from my wardrobe. They were still in pretty good shape.
“What are you doing?" My brother mumbled from his bed. We shared the same room.
"I'm going jogging.” I announced.
"It's 5.30 in the bloody morning." he pointed out sleepily.
“I know." I snapped.
I did a couple of warm up exercises outside. The Muslims were up praying, a mosque nearby was blaring it’s lead, and for 15 minutes I pretended like I was dancing to the prayers. It wasn’t a terribly good warm up as warm ups go but I think I did get my blood pumping.
The gate man grumbled when I asked him to open the gate. His Job was to prevent strangers from getting in during the night. It didn’t say anything about letting fat children out.
I ignored him and took off at a healthy trot.

I had Psophie with me. My trusty Psp . Aside from the over 100 rock songs there were about 15 Nigerian songs. Proof that I was finally beginning to warm towards musicians from the same country as mine.
Gongo Aso was one of said songs.
I had jogged for about 10 minutes already. I was feeling really happy with myself. My body was already covered in a fine sheen of sweat . I wasn’t gasping for breadth and my legs where yet to begin to hurt. What was all the fuss about anyway? 3 kg wasn’t that bad a deal after all . I still had it. There was a faint fog around so visibility was low. I felt like I was jogging in a cloud. Gongo Aso was blasting at full volume in my ear cheering the endorphins on in my blood. I'll admit it. I was having fun.
And then it happened.

He tapped me from behind.
I slowed down my jog and turned round to stare at him.
There were two of them. One of them was seated on a bike and the other, the one who had tapped me, had a Machete in his hands.
"Your set." He said.
Now , I’ve thought about it a lot since it happened and I’m convinced that he must have probably shouted at me to stop before running up to tap me. As it was I didn’t hear him because I had cranked my ps to the loudest volume.
I didn’t even hear him when he said "Your set" because when I turned round my ear phones where still plugged.
I took them off slowly.
“Yes?" I asked.
“Your set." he repeated.
And then it clicked. Two men. A machete. One lone fat kid in the middle of the highway at 6 in the morning. Unless there was a goat behind me, I was being robbed.
There was only one logical thing to do. And I didn’t do it.
"No” I said.
“What?" the guy gasped like I had slapped him. I felt sorry for him. Business must have been going really well until he met me. The script didn’t give space for obstinate joggers who refused to get robbed. He was really pissed.
He slapped me.
Forget the clouds around me I saw stars. I was royally pissed. I mean there I was with one ear piece still stuck in my ear with GongoAso playing away and in front of me was this ridiculous man who wanted to take that away from me.
So I punched him. It really wants much of a punch. It was more reflex than planned. You know. Slap followed by a weak punch. Hardly the kind of punch that Mr. Miyagi would be proud off. But the effect on Machete man was profound. He screamed in anger and then swung the Machete.

This isn’t a completely happy story.
Well not really. I mean I’m still here. and I’m still typing with the same old silly smile on my face but beneath my shirt I’ve got stitches.
Yes the Machete hit me. It cut into my arm slicing through skin and muscle. For a second I was in the script of 300 and I wasn’t playing the Spartans. I was one of those helpless Persians who fell without a struggle to the bleeding battle floor.
Fortunately it only lasted a minute.
If I had been pissed before, my anger now went nuclear. I hadn’t planned the first punch, but this time I planned the kick. I kicked him. Every single kilo I had was concentrated into that kick, the extra 3 kilos probably helped. My Miyagi would have been pleased ,hell he would have been impressed. It was a pretty strong kick.
This time Machete man didn’t stand there looking pissed. He flew backwards with the impact, landing on the floor beside the bike. His Machete was still in his hand. The guy on the bike looked at me like I had lost my mind and in truth, looking back at it, I think in a lot of ways I must have.
I wish I could say I rushed at the two of them and pummeled them into submission thereafter carving the words “I will never steal again" into their scalps with the Machete. But that my dear friends would be a lie.
I ran.
I'm not talking, late for a meeting dash. I'm talking “rapture's here and I just missed the last chariot” sprint. I streaked down the rode barely touching the asphalt. Behind me I heard the bike rave into motion and with my speed possibly doubling, I looked back in terror.
They were going the opposite direction.
It seemed they had pushed their time limit where robbery on the highway was concerned. My suspicions were confirmed 18 seconds later when a car drove by.
The whole incidence had lasted less than a minute but it has seemed like a life time.
I slowed to a walk and started breathing again.
Gongo Aso was crawling to an end. Motion on my arm drew my attention. It was a mess of blood and whitish stuff that I was hoping wasn’t my muscle. I turned in the opposite direction and began jogging home.
What could I say?
I was on fire. No be beans talk.

I guess that pretty much ends the tale.
I woke my mum at 6.30 with blood dripping on her carpet. She’s a pretty strong lady that woman.
She asked me to go and brush my teeth.
My sisters came to meet me in my room as I got ready to head to the hospital, the wound really hadn’t stopped bleeding. To arrest it My brother was in the process of stuff in cotton wool before eventually wrapping it in a bandage. I called my friend T to recant the story and he was pretty shocked.
My siblings sat opposite me and gave me a lecture.
Everyone seemed to be on the same wavelength.
"Why didn’t you just give them the bloody PSP ?"
“It’s the principle of it.” I told them with a grimace. “If I gave them the PSP I would have been supporting armed robbery. I don’t want to be a supporter of robbers!"
" Well you very nearly came close to supporting Murderers. How do you feel about that?" My sister snapped back.
“Leave me alone. I want Pancakes. “I moaned.
“Nice try. You’re not getting anything."
"But I’m handicapped" I pointed out.
"So? Mum raised us to take care of ourselves." My sister snapped again.

The ride to the hospital was mostly uneventful except for some cops who, upon seeing my bloodied arm, demanded we got to the station to report the assault. It took a while for my mum to make him realize that if I didn’t get stitched up there would be no first hand report. I've pretty much given up on the Nigerian Police.

By the time we got to the hospital my mum was telling everyone who cared to listen the story. I was a hero. To hear her tell it you would think my only misfortune was I didn’t have a shield with me otherwise I would have apprehended both thieves.
The nurse listened to my mum as she narrated the story to her.
"You’re pretty brave" She told me.
She pulled out the stitching needle and walked over to me. I threw bravery out the window and demanded that I be injected for the pain.
It took 4 stitches to close the wound up. In the end it really wasn’t as bad as it looked. I got a tetanus shot and about a million packs of drugs. I just asked which was the pain killers and put the rest aside.
I got lots of calls that day and then some days after that.

The bulk of them where condemnations on me for not simply relinquishing the phone aka my Psophie. I didn’t know how to explain to them that I really didn’t have a choice. It all happened so quickly that I didn’t have time to react the right way. What was the right way anyway? Handing over the PSP was deemed the right way to save my life. As far as I was concerned my actions had been towards saving my life as well. It had been a war of sorts. War wasn’t about who was right. It was about who was left.
Everyone was adamant on one point. It wasn’t worth the cost of me dying over a foolish Psp .
"You be fool." MY friend Jeff told me with a laugh.
"It cost more to register you in a hospital and stitch the wound than your silly PSP is worth." My sister said jokingly later in the evening.

And thus it ended.
My mum called me aside later in the evening and gave me the hug I had imagined.
A fierce hug with whispered words of love. Dimmed vision. The soft flow of Tears.
“ Why are you crying?” My mum asked when she let go.
“My arm." I muttered. "You were squeezing it.”
My mum smiled.
“You’re a brave kid Carl." She told me with a laugh "but next time just give them the phone. Two inches more to the left and it would have been your chest."
“Two inches to the right and they would have missed me completely." I replied.
My mum smiled.
“You’re still fat."

Three days later I woke up at 7.15 in the morning.
Although i still had plaster over my stitches (which was beginning to itch like hell) I felt strong enough to once more resume my jogging. My sister had been making me pancakes since my incident and I was worried that my 3kg had morphed into 5.
My mum met me at the gate as I was about to leave.
"Where are you going?" She asked.
“Jogging." I replied.
She nodded sagely.
"Take the car."

57 comments:

UndaCovaSista said...

YOWZAH!

UndaCovaSista said...

Wow! I'm glad you lived to tell the tale. Sounds really serious!..

You're right, though. You can never predict how you're going to react in that sort of situation. Common sense, of course, dictates that you give up whatever it is that they're asking for but the fight or flight response often happens in a split second...

Having said all that, let me lend my voice to your wise family and friends and say next time just give them the bloomin' PSP/phone/ipod/bling- bling/whatever!!!! OK? Okay.

Hope you're healing nicely, though. Too bad you haven't got Claire's ability to regenerate :)

BlackRose said...

im sure i wudnt hv handed dem d fone as well...
all d same, i must say u wre rily lucky 2 get out practically unharmed. ez!

bumight said...

awww poor baby, only you could come out of a robbery and still make it sound humorous!, but all humour aside, u should have given them Psophie, if nothing for the sake of the future carls unborn, lol!

The Last King Of Scotland said...

impressive writing carlang. ur narrative skills invected with humour at the right time is endearing. thank God you escaped the bastards

Nine said...

Please,take a bow.

You did two things right:the decision to refuse and the rapid retreat.You did two things wrong,the verbal refusal and the slap;you should have kicked first,preferably in the groin,then run screaming "Ole".

Part of the problem with armed robberies is that Nigerian thugs expect that they wave a blunt instrument in your face and expect you to cave.Most people do.

Indignation is a lovely emotion,no?

By the way,it may have cost more to register and treat your injury but guess what,no one else would have ponied up to replace Psophie.4 stitches is more than fair for one PSP,IMHO.

PS It just occurred to me,you were getting robbed to the audio accompaniment of Gongo Aso.ROTFLMAO.

Jaycee said...

Wow...Carlang...thank God u came out of that alive. I've heard a lot of weird stories in Naija where innocent people have been killed for no good reason. Thank God this isn't ur tale tonight!

Lol @ the comments of ur bravery!!! I'm sure u delighted in the fact that ur sister had to make pancakes for you for that long! Lucky chap!

onydchic said...

Dude... I'd say that was pretty unwise, but my sister kinda did the same thing when she was recently attacked. And in her case, they were point ing A GUN at her, so I guess it's just a feeling of 'no, not me' that inspired it.
Nonetheless though, they could have done you some serious damage, nice to c ur ok.

Free-flowing Florida said...

u don't support armed robbery! very funny! well, u were acting on reflect, but pls dear next time support a little robbery 2 save ur life. these pple r desperate. they know they will b killed instanta if caught, so they no dey care. pele. i hope u r feeling better. u cares abt d weight. so long as u r fine boy no pimple. my love 4 u is still strong, u know na

@ undacoversista: u don dey better pass afro 4 dis first thing o. congrats

darkelcee said...

thank God you are ok.

your set? those thieves are razzos.what is set? lolll


but how can your mum ask u to go jogging with a car? lollllll

pele dear cant help but laugh. Mr miyagi would have been proud of your moves.

hope you are getting better!

QMoney said...

Carl,now dat was gangstar!are u kidding??and u made it sound all so hilarious!!
does ur mum stay in anthony cos dat happens there all d freakin time??
ROTFLMFAO at ur mum for tellin u toa take d care but sweetheart,i liked ur bravery and stuff but lets face it,
are u maaaad??more like u dey craze????
how could u have done dat???u are lucky u got away with it,those guys are motherfu*****
it dont mean a thing to dem if they "Waste" aka KILL u.i co-operated with me and they still beat me up in my own time(not as much as u).
Dont be surprised if u go joggin d next day and u see someone saying"so u were d silly ass been stubborn ystday right??"LOL
Now get dis straight,no more joggin earlier than 7am in the mornin and u have to check with me 1st!!imagine if sumtin else(God forbid) had happeend and i was here stalkin updates,wat would have become of all of us??
My friend,take ya time ooh!!if u wanna lose weight so bad,try swimmin!!its faster,safer and and much more fun!!!trust me!

PS:hope i sounded stern enuf!!LOL

Naapali said...

Dude I love you and your family. The practical me supports those that say you should have parted with Psophie. The idealistic me fully supports the kick (not the weak punch) you gave them. The reality is many people who prey on others are never prepared for when the prey fights back.

They can cut you but can't take away your wit. Loved the post and this one had me in stitches

-"Where are you going?" She asked.
“Jogging." I replied.
She nodded sagely.
"Take the car."

Afrobabe said...

at first my best line was "I'm talking “rapture's here and I just missed the last chariot” sprint."

But your mum killed that ....lmao..take the car jogging huh...cool...I want to jog with the car as well...

Carlang said...

@ Undacovasista:Lol. Okay ...
You've just got to let me in on your secret.
How do you always make it in time.

Thanks for the advise. I'm working on a third option. Getting a taser.
Are you on season two of Heroes yet?
Isnt it the worst?

@Blackrose: Thanks, Nex time i might just do that.

@ Bumight:
Okay Okay. I get it already. Hand over your phone next time.
lol.
Thanks dear. Howz the body business?

@ The last king of scotland:
Thanks mate. SO my writing is nice huh?
lol.

@Nine:
Finally!! Soem one who not only understands the worth of a PSP but appreciates the music of Gongo Aso.
lol.
Thanks for the advise. I'm writing it all down now.
Lets see...
My two mistakes were...

Carlang said...

@ Jaycee:Yes things are going crazy here in Nigeria..
And yes.. Loved the pancakes!

@ Onyidchick: Thanks . i feel the same way too about being safe!!

@ Floridachick: YOu see why you're my favorite florida chick.
lol.
Thanks oh. And amen.
HOw you dey self?

@ Dark ELcee: Correct Razzos oh.
I think one of them was even an Arsenal fan.
lol.

@Gmoney: Swimming?
I so have to blog on my almot drown experience which i had when i was 7. I still have a shower with a life jacket...

@ Naapali:
They're up for sale. Bidding price 10000 dollars. Angelina Jolie's number will get you a discount.

@ Afrobabe:
You self.
I'm still laughing over your last post.
Re: Husband rules!

Ms Sula said...

Whoa Carl! Glad you are recovered enough to blog about it...

I couldn't help but smile at some of your descriptions, I hope you're considering doing this for a living. You're gifted.

Few "morceaux choisis":

"His Job was to prevent strangers from getting in during the night. It didn’t say anything about letting fat children out."

"The script didn’t give space for obstinate joggers who refused to get robbed."

"I'm talking “rapture's here and I just missed the last chariot” sprint."

Those made me laugh out loud... I am trying to find a way to use the Rapture reference in everyday convo...

Take care of yourself. And no more jogging!

fantasy queen said...

have i rtold you i love your mom? well i do.

carlang the langalanga(remember the word)hero. lol.

but back to basics, resisting those fools sometimes can have an ending less laughable than this. piont is no psohie is worth your life. i had a gun pionted at me, i threw my car keys and phone to them. you see unlike you, they wouldnt have torn at the extra 3kg i carry, nah, they'd ....i'll leave that detail out..lol
but i realised those things could always be replaced, but my warm touch on the those who love me? irreplaceable.

glad you're okay.

UndaCovaSista said...

Yeah! I'm surprised i didnt think of that myself! Tasers are cool. Infact they should be administered to all the general population to defend themselves against robbers and thieves.

Currrently on the first few episodes of season 2. I think season 1 was so spectacular it's going to be really hard to live up to any which way..

Naija Chickito said...

Mr. Carl,
I'm glad you did fight those bandits. The nerve of them!

Hope you are OK now? I simply love the way you write. Got me all transfixed and all...
Cheers.

ablackjamesbond said...

ROTFLMAO...wow! I just gbadun the way u write. Very funny, very 'dunstillistic'!

I am glad u r ok though.

Jaja said...

I stated by saying "fool.. give them the 'set''.I was applauding at that solid kick you gave. Then I squinted and broke out in laughter at your mum's "take the car"

Long post but you are a great story teller.

Carlang said...

@ Ms Sula:
lol.
Feel free to use any of the lines you fancy. Consider it a gift from the house.
lol.
I dont know. People keep telling me to write something but i'm still unsure.
I am however considering working for a magazine..

@ Fantasy Queen:
You were robbed?
How dare they. The nerve of those buffons.
lol.
Thanks dear. I'll take your advise seriously.
That alongside a Taser.

@ Undercovasista:
Yes, well... my suggestion raises the question of how i go about getting one.
Are there files i need to fill or do i have to some make one out of a old difribillator.
lol.

Give season 2 time.
Through nothing can live up to one...
But it doesnt even try!!

@naijachikito:
Thanks you Jare.
I dedicate my kick to you!

@ BlackJamesbond:
Ah...
My favorite blog secret agent.
Blog.
James Blog.
Thanks for the writing compliment.

You just have to find her bond and pump her for information
Tommorow never dies

@ Jaja:
You're a pretty good writer yourself.
So you think i should have given up my set huh.
Ah. the days of the 3310.
Things were much easier...

guerreiranigeriana said...

i am completely floored with this post!!...amazing write up!!!...and a hat tip to you for the bravery...if you had been killed, we would all be sad and asking, 'why didn't he just give the set?'...but you are alive and well and God is good all the time!!!!..he was really trying to rob you with a machete?!...wow...i want to know how you were going to go jogging with the car?...haha...

Pink-satin said...

ur sis is funny!!!take the car jogging????

pele sa abt the whole ordeal!!

Jarrai said...

Gosh...those greedy fools!!! Glad you sucker pucnched the dude but please next time hand him the "set".

A medal of bravery is well deserved for jogging home after being hit by a mad man with a machete!!!....

Jogging with a car, lol. Only in Africa. See, these oyimbo people have a lot to learn. LOL.

1st time here...will def be back.

Mommy said...

wow...you just funny; and very brave. Hope u feeling better now? For the love of God and life, next time (God forbid) just let Psopie go.

See what you went through...harrasment, matchet cut, kongfu kick, the run for your dear life, waking the whole house up at 6:30, the pain, the stitches...and just tell me that for even a minute there, there was no fear. All that adrenaline for a phone. Next time, just give it up. Tkare now!

shalewa said...

carl,oh carl.i'm speechless.its more of a story than reality.Well,i wud say u did well by kicking the thief.thats what happens when u r slapped.it makes u angry which then gives u confidence to retaliate.i cant stop laffing.Just next time(God forbid) jog in daylight(possibly afternoon,lol)turn down the volume and .........whatever useful tip comes to mind.Really u r a good writer.Starting a magazine,writing novels won't be a bad idea.And ur mum is funny....jogging with a car.lol.

Smaragd said...

Paw, paaaw baby! pele.

*sending megaloads of cyberhugs and kisses to ur stitches*

how are u feeling now?at least there are now two of us who have immunty against TT in blogsville...lol

i'm not going to chastize u cuz i understand ur rxn was reflexive.

ur mum's adorable! and ur sister is just a perfect deedee to ur Dexter!lol

after my "update" cry, i get to be 28! how'd that happen?

ur mind works in mysterious ways Carl and i got my laff!

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

"Unless there was a goat behind me, I was being robbed."

I was laughing pretty hard when I read that until you got slashed open. I have to say, though, that i agree with the principle of it all. But, please, join a gym and/or go jogging with someone. lol!

God bless.

AnyaPosh said...

whoa! woman...abeg next time you'll take the car to a park & then run around the park. Please...this was just messed up...now I'm scared to go jogging in 9ja...WTH, I planned jog every morning to shed the last 5 lbs... this story was just sickening. I'm glad you're better now.

princesa said...

Carl darling, missed ur blog with all the wit and humour!

Sorry about ur experience. Am glad u are alive and well enough to give us the gist.
Next time, abeg forget Bruce lee moves and just hand over the phone or run for ur life!

Onome said...

umbre!!!! u got so much u dangerous baby ZAU!!!! quote from happy feet...bro dat is a damn good one!!glad u defended urself with d kick..see how dey took off...take care of ur arm oooo..and lol at 'take d car'

Free-flowing Florida said...

where do u get these cartoons, by d way?

OluwaDee said...

Glad d cut wasn't that bad.
As u said u never no hw ul react 2 these things.

U finally got d hug.
Howz d weight loss???

AlooFar said...

B'tful narration ;)

I'm feeling your wit and humour!!!

classybabe said...

Wow.God forgive you have another such experience,but please don't argue with armed robbers oh.Just give them the item they ask for and let them carry their own fate and go

exschoolnerd said...

this has got to be the funniest post i have read in a long long time..i absolutely love the way u write..

buh ehn..na wa o...u shud have given them the thing now..ur life is worth more...abeg next time... dont do that again..abeg i no pray for a next time for u oh...but sha..u never know...hope ur wounds heal quickly sorry about that...Thank God for ur life o~!

fluffycutething said...

I was sleepy when i started reading this post, but right now my eyes are dripping from laughing and bending so my madam will not catch me...

"Take the car" ke???

@Darkelcee- some thieves woulda asked for his "shet" instead oh LOL

Kai bros sorry for the mishap oh but next time, just hand the stuff to them continue to jog oh ROFL...

Hey na wa

fluffycutething said...

Did you say your mum saw you with blood and asked you to "GO AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH"???????????

Smaragd said...

Carl, where are u?

how are the stitches?

hope u are alive o.

Allied said...

eya.. sorry oh.. please jog inside the compound.. but you sef, you should have given the the phone now... i know its the principle.. but still....

Ms. Catwalq said...

I love you so much right now....

Ms.cocoa brown said...

"take the car"??? hahahah..for sum strange reason..i think ur mum and i wud kick it well....hmm...maybe u shud give her my number..hehe

UndaCovaSista said...

Where u at, dawg?

Uzezi said...

jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

are u serious?u told the tale so u r fine.

damn! and i was going to dhl some african insurance to you o!

u r brave.

Sprezatura said...

Hancock! if u had really listend tO Maiyagi you would have done it WAX IN WAX OUT na wa for you, your breath must have really hit your mum, sure she imagined what she would go through on the drive to the hospital.
Lol.

Good you ok,

Naija Idol said...

This was kinda funny cos u lived to tell d tale but no matter wat, material things are not worth ur life.u were really brave.

Allied said...

I so like you right now... Your post on 14th and serenity is wonderful...

Mz. Dee said...

Ohmygosh... datz one hell of an experience!!

Life through rose-tinted glasses said...

YOU ARE JUST TOO BRILLIANT FOR WORDS!!!

30+ said...

Where are you going
jogging
Take the car

Bbuaaaaah, ROTFLMAO

You cracking me up dude, in a way it was kinda cool that you gave them a least expected response.

femme said...

forget the incident, you write beautifully. I'd read you in a sec.

InCogNaija said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
InCogNaija said...

Thats the kind of shit i like to hear...News Headline: Armed Robbers Get their Asses royally handed to them by the victim/victor!!
Three Gbosas for you jare!
I startled my co-workers when i cracked up out loud crazy @ your mum telling you to take the car. That is super-hilarious. But i mean, i feel her jare. If you must go jogging, Take the gaddam car! lmao!!
But guess what i just thought, If you did all this for psophie, Imagine what you will do if they asked you to hand over the keys to the car...rotflmfbao!!!

geisha said...

now that was entertaining

CaramelD said...

This is my first time on your blog and I have been robbed twice up close and personal so I know how serious it was and I'm happy you walked away safe.. but let me tell you I have never laughed so hard and it was killing me because I was in a very quiet office LOL. You have a new fan.

babeandahalf said...

“Two inches to the right and they would have missed me completely." I replied.

Wow!!!